Why Everything You’ve Tried to “Fix Yourself” Isn’t Working (Burnout Recovery for Women)

Kit
Jan 7
4 min read

And what you actually need to feel calm, clear, and in control again

A woman reads a book while sipping herbal tea from a brown striped mug — Photo by Cottonbro

If you’re reading this, there’s a good chance you’re not new to self-work.

You’ve read the books, tried the routines, journaled in the mornings, meditated, set intentions, and done your best to follow the advice that promised clarity, healing, or relief. And yet, despite all of that effort, you’re still tired. Still overwhelmed. Still second-guessing yourself. Still wondering why life feels harder than it should when you’re clearly capable, intelligent, and self-aware.

Let me start by saying this clearly: you are not broken. You are overloaded.

And most of what you’ve been taught about “fixing yourself” simply doesn’t work when your nervous system is already at capacity.

What you've been taught about "fixing yourself" simply doesn't work when your nervous system is already at capacity.

The Problem No One Names

A person works at a desk. Empty mugs and a pair of glasses sit in front of them. — Photo by Mikhail Nilov

We live in a culture that quietly treats exhaustion like a personal failing. If you’re struggling, the message is often subtle but consistent: try harder, be more disciplined, think more positively, optimise your routine, heal faster.

Even self-care has been absorbed into this mindset, becoming something to perform correctly rather than something that actually restores you.

What rarely gets said is this: when your nervous system is overloaded, more effort doesn’t create change; it creates collapse.

You cannot mindset your way out of survival mode. You cannot journal your way into clarity when your system doesn’t feel safe. And you cannot build a sustainable, meaningful life from a place of constant internal pressure.

Most people aren’t blocked. They’re dysregulated.

And trying to “fix” yourself from that place often deepens the exhaustion you’re already carrying.

Why Self-Care Often Doesn’t Work For Burnout Recovery

A wooden stool next to a bathtub. On the stool are soap, a bowl of salt and a scrubbing brush. — Photo by Yaroslav Shuraev

This is where so many capable, spiritually aware people get stuck.

They rest, but don’t feel restored. They take time off, but return just as depleted. They do all the “right things” and still feel on edge, braced, or quietly overwhelmed. That’s because rest without safety isn’t restorative.

If your nervous system still believes there’s something to manage, anticipate, or prove, it doesn’t matter how many baths you take or candles you light — your system stays alert. Relaxation becomes another task instead of a state you can access.

What’s missing isn’t effort or intention. It’s stabilisation.

The Missing Foundation: Stabilisation

Stabilisation is the work beneath healing, growth, manifestation, and success.

It’s the process of teaching your system that it is safe enough to slow down, safe enough to stop performing, and safe enough to trust itself again. Without stabilisation, clarity stays out of reach, boundaries feel impossible to maintain, ambition turns into burnout, and spiritual practices quietly slide into bypassing.

With stabilisation, something very different happens. Decision-making becomes calmer and cleaner. Energy stops leaking. Self-trust begins to rebuild naturally. Growth becomes something you can sustain, rather than something you have to recover from.

This is why I created The Stabilisation Code - a grounded framework for people who are tired of pushing and ready to live differently.

The Stabilisation Code: A Different Way Forward

Infographic: The Stabilisation Code (Safety, Capacity, Authority, Structure).

The Stabilisation Code is built on four core laws. These aren’t affirmations or mindset tricks. They’re principles I’ve seen play out repeatedly in real lives.

1. Safety Precedes Clarity

You cannot access intuition, insight, or direction when your system is in survival mode. Clarity doesn’t come from thinking harder; it comes from calming the system enough to hear yourself.

2. Capacity Determines Consistency

Burnout isn’t a motivation problem; it’s a capacity problem. When your plate is already full, adding more “good habits” only creates resentment and exhaustion. Sustainable change respects your actual energy, not an idealised version of you.

3. Authority Replaces Effort

So much exhaustion comes from outsourcing trust- to experts, systems, expectations, or other people’s timelines. As stabilisation increases, self-trust returns. Decisions get quieter. You stop forcing yourself into paths that don’t fit.

4. Structure Sustains Freedom

True freedom isn’t chaos or constant flexibility. It’s rhythm. It’s containment. It’s having enough structure that your nervous system can relax instead of constantly scanning for what’s next.

What Changes When You Stop Trying to Fix Yourself

A person sitting next to a window opens a journal — Photo by John Diez

When people begin working with stabilisation rather than self-correction, something subtle but profound shifts.

They stop performing wellness and breakthroughs. They stop treating rest like something to earn. Life becomes calmer; not smaller, but steadier.

People often tell me they feel like themselves again, and that decisions feel easier. That they’re no longer bracing for the next thing or constantly negotiating with their own energy.

This work isn’t about opting out of ambition or responsibility. It’s about building a life that doesn’t cost you your nervous system.

A Gentle Invitation to Burnout Recovery

A person with blonde hair against the sunset standing in a field — Photo by Life Of Pix

If this post resonated, I want you to know there’s nothing you need to rush into.

Sometimes recognition is the first and most important step; realising that what you’ve been experiencing isn’t a failure, but a signal that something deeper needs attention, not more effort.

I occasionally open a small number of 1:1 spaces for people who feel ready to explore stabilisation in a more personal, supported way. These conversations aren’t about fixing you or pushing for outcomes; they’re about creating safety, clarity, and structure where things have felt strained or chaotic.

If you feel quietly drawn to that, you’re welcome to reach out or explore working together. And if not, let this be enough for now: